Red alert! Shields up!

• "depress and over fatigue makes you FAT!" And being fat makes you depressed and over fatigued... It's a vicious cycle!
• "Improve/Enhance your mentation"
• "Men with gigantic engines kmiller! (fwd)" I prefer NASCAR.
• "NEW: Male impotence party pack... OVER 80% off!" Woohoo! Print the invitations!
• "No more waking up in the middle of the night & feels energetic in the morning" I hate it when I feels energetic in the morning.
• "Stimulate your sex life! walk" Who knew that was all it took?
• "Woww..8o% 0ff Galactic_bananna" mmmm.... galactic_banana....

I resent that personal attack...

• "Are you happy with your Impotence problems" Ecstatic. Thanks for bring that up.
• "even UGLY guys can get dates" Gee, I wish I were UGLY...
• "Having a bad hair day? Blame your genes" Having a bad fat day? Blame your jeans

Everybody loves monkeys!

• "Are you snoring yourself to death?" Well, if I snored too much my spouse might kill me, I suppose.
• "Feel yourself living in cloud - land! Present day procedure of losing weight."
• "Monkeys turned into workaholics" They should be done with the works of Shakespeare next week.

I'm confused...

Wouldn't the world be much better if we all just understood one another?

• "Be with a dependable provider and have best services" I don't even WANT to guess what they're selling.
• "Smell gene may help ward off mosquitos" - though it never helped Uncle Ernie.
• "Solve your debt dilemma the Christian way" How about the Shakespearean way? "Neither a borrower, nor a lender be." (Hamlet)
• "With least possible expense to have best ever computer disc"

That's none of your business

I assume everyone survived April Fool's Day unscathed?

• "Jump the wagon of success" Have you taken your wagon of success off any sweet jumps?
• "Success without leaving your residence" Why don't they just say, Be successful at sitting in your basement in your boxer shorts? I think I'd be pretty good at that.
• "This Message is for Smart Investors Only!" Dumb investors need not apply.