That's none of your business

I assume everyone survived April Fool's Day unscathed?

• "Jump the wagon of success" Have you taken your wagon of success off any sweet jumps?
• "Success without leaving your residence" Why don't they just say, Be successful at sitting in your basement in your boxer shorts? I think I'd be pretty good at that.
• "This Message is for Smart Investors Only!" Dumb investors need not apply.