Hail to the Chef!

As the Bush era closes and another election draws near, we pause to consider the impact of a certain former president upon our national psyche.

• "Former President Bill Klinton uses Voagra!" - And I bet George Boosh uses Packsil.
• "I never think I will help me that much mathematical"
• "No awkward dooctor visits." - It wasn't that awkward until you called him "dooctor"...
• "Soma - only now Clinton"
• "Wanna drop 20 lbs on us?" - Only 20? Where can I drop it? Hey, hold still!
• "We called you 5 times antecedent's denouement" - I don't answer to that any longer.

In Which I Have Nothing to Say

• "Better than robbing banks, and legal!" - that's good to know
• "Dear Sir, i am interested in it" - isn't everybody?
• "HGH - makes you 10 years young" - the first decade is the hardest.
• "lime alienation" - when life gives you limes...
• "supernatural recess" - I'll be on the metaphysical merry-go-round
• "Your requested prostate cancer" - I'm pretty sure I never requested this, thank you.

My brain locked up... *reboot*

My wife claims to have never eaten Spam in her life.

• "ANIMAL GO BYE BYE!" Hey-ho, Kermit the Frog here.
• "do you kids have the muppet show?"
• "do you like jack rabbit? muslim" Now that is just wrong - throwing religious aspersions about based solely on someone's diet preferences.
• "Injoy your Cartier that looks 98% real!" Do you have one that only looks 75% real?
• "On organise is sack theorist"
• This one may have been the "from" name on the e-mail. "Shawna Colon"
• "this is an email" Whew... for a second I though it was sky-writing.
• "yuor auccnot has been spnudesed"

But wait, there's more!

Well, after a hiatus of several months, here are a few goodies hand-selected just for you. And apologies in advance for the first item...

• "ALL women love a huge penis trailside mix" I like granola
• "cheeky One A Day" You CANNOT be talking about the vitamins
• "Compare your options for studying online for BA, BS, Masters" Like, the golf tournament? I thought that required practice...
• "Do you like to smoke? Do you like music?" That's right, for a limited time only, it's "Songs of the Smoker", featuring that wild reggae smash hit, "Cough and Wheeze" (apologies to Whose Line Is It Anyway?)
• "Go turnon by oracle poser" Sounds like a DBA insult
• "Hard Like Rock get" Apparently Yoda writes spam subjects now
• "It's time to Refill michelangelo" I don't know how to tell you this, but... he's dead
• "Putting The Bull in 'Bull Market'"
• "your life boring? well then become a cop" I just want to... SING!

Light Summer Vacation Reading

• "anonymous Bacticin Oral" It's exactly like generic, only more so.
• "Are you satisfying your women officeholder emphysematous"
• "He live my slumber sleuth"
• "Re: you sing or hangings elude" I know some people who could inspire hangings with their singing...
• "Similar loans vanish with our help" So much for LendingTree.com...
• "Speciiial of the day" Ai-yi-yi
• "Summer with Levitra Moses" As long as no large stone tablets are involved...

Your mother smelt of elderberries

I love my spam manager... :)

• "Don't be left behing- the enlargement revolution!...chasetarbell"
• "Enhance your personal computer."
• "Guys need this %RANDOMCHAR" We've already got one, you see. I told them we've already got one!
• "healing power found in ancient crocodile" Apparently it ate it right before it fell into the tarpit.
• "Hey Horton" Who?
• "Make you life more easier"
• "Re: i did it again" Oops.
• "Your system want more, give it a cool shake." Now available in strawberry.

Medical miracles abound.

• "Get Energetic!" Only after my morning coffee...
• "I found something!" You better talk to that guy from a couple weeks ago who had everything.
• "macassar Merthiolate is a mix of Skin Moisturizing, a narcotic opiate" Wow, there's just nothing quite like skin moisturizer that makes you high.
• "No more pain for your slow PC." My PC is in gigahurts.
• "Professional Home Loans in 24 hours." My house is trying to maintain amateur status.
• "Re: drool Sodium Silicate Miscell" Mmmm, tasty.

In a bad mood, are we?

Today's spam post brought to you by the number pi and the letter pi.

• "Are you a winner? come and prove it!" Prove I'm not a winner.
• "DO YOU OWN A Computer?" Stop shouting! And yes, yes I do.
• "Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up" Deep, very deep.
• "Don't go round the bend" Wow, even deeper.
• "LowestRatesIn41Years. Don't you generally like cooking?" Thought you could sneak that one by me, eh?
• "Please confirm everything" Yep, absolutely.
• "Software 3000 disgruntle"

marble fish variable purple

Too much spam and not enough time in a day...

• "Also good like colophoned characteristics at unbranded cost!" I like my colophoned characteristics branded, thank you very much.
• "ammeter watershed ball can"
• "dragoon sunspot casey booty"
• "Imagine there's no fat" No need for greed or hunger. I think John Lennon's got this one covered...
• "Re: brutal IV Prep Wipes" The next time you're getting an IV, ask for the brutal prep wipes.
• "We have Everything" I'm pretty sure I've got something around here somewhere...
• "Wow soft tab now stricken"

It's too late now.

Spam spam spam wonderful spam!!!

• "Beat the energy game" Apparently I've been playing the game all wrong.
• "Help methods in sex is as important as need of food"
• "hot stock tip. News letter Simian _Savants <" What is it with spam and monkeys?
• "PENSALO!!! THINK ABOUT THIS!!! ZLRVFIZIPW" Whatever you do, DO NOT think about elephants!
• "Surpesfat dielrvey"
• "The reason why more people is happy nowdays." Ignorant, but happy...
• "Unlock Money Locked up in your house" Just in case you lose the key to your lockbox.
• "You needed this" but not anymore.